This time of night

I hate this time of night. Mostly because of what happens. You see, this is the time when every thing falls away.I feel like an actor who suddenly finds himself alone on an empty stage in a dark and empty theater. The craziness of the production is over and he is very much alone and lost.

All the things that keep me rushing all day are over. The thing that was keeping my mind busy after everyone else is asleep is done and the loudness of the silence in our home seems oppressive in contrast to the madness of the day.

I find myself sitting face to face across the room from my worries and fears.They have waited patiently all day and before I rest they insist on reminding me who they are and what they represent. Tomorrow or the next day or the day after will I suddenly find myself facing the world alone? The truth is I don't remember how. Will our finances continue to work out like they have, or will next month be a mess. Are the kids doing okay. Am I doing the things I should to help them through. Is Katrina doing okay. She struggles with this emotionally a little more each day. Am I doing enough to help her.

They each wait their turn and say "hi I'm worry # 32 and I'm still here."

That's why I hate this time of night. My defenses falter and I find my weakness exposed. Alone in the empty theater before I lay myself down for a handful of hours sleep.