Friday Update 12-3-10

Things continue to go about the same. I've spent the majority of the week sick (flu?). Now the Kiddos are sick but so far Katrina doesn't seem to be getting it.

A Relief

As the first of December edges closer and closer a point of stress that I have felt more and more keenly each day is the fact that we had not heard back about Katrina's disability pay. I had already swallowed my pride and met with my Bishop to tell him that we may be in need of some assistance come the first of December if we didn't get it straightened out.

We had been receiving a partial pay check from the the catastrophic leave fund that Katrina has been paying into. However, the first week of November we didn't receive any pay. We found out that her catastrophic leave was up and that long term disability was supposed to have taken over. Unbeknown to us there was some paper work that we were supposed to have filled out. I scraped the bottom of our charitable account and a few other places and managed to cobble together enough money to scrape by this month.

Today we received a check from her long term disability insurance for not just last month but for a few months back pay we didn't expect. It is a relief to me. We will be sitting good financially again this month and should be able to put a little bit back in savings for if things get tight again. Hopefully things continue to go well and she can return to work full time in January like she wants to. Then, if thing continue to go well, we should be on stable ground again.

Once again, I feel truly blessed. I know that the lord has helped us through what could have financially ruined us.  Thank you to everyone who have been the instruments of the lord in this.

Frid. . .Err. . . Saturday update 11/20/2010

Things are still going well. We've had a bit of a hiccup with her disability Insurance but we are trying to get that straightened out.

She met with her Principal yesterday and they decided to shoot for returning to work full time in January.

Back to it.

Well, tommorrow Katrina and I start to get back into a work routine. I have seen the way she seems to be handling getting prepared and I must say that I have been impressed by how well together she seems to be about it. Maybe I just didn't have enough faith in her, maybe I just anticipate the worst too often. I think that as long as it doesn't wear her out she'll do great.

I'm more worried about my own job now. It has been nearly, if not, five months since I've been to work regularly. I'm worried about getting back into the swing of things. I guess it is just one more step in this whole process that I'm not anxious about.

It has been such a long journey, and sometimes it seems like It has been years rather than months. I know I feel that I have aged years rather than months and I don't feel like I'm even the same person as I was. This I know, I love my wife my love for her is the strongest it ever gas been. I love my children they have been a bright spot, a lighthouse in the dark and tumultuous sea at times. The time we spent away from them gas been hard. I am eternally thankful for all the love prayers and gifts we have received.I know that without the love and support of our heavenly father I would have long since collapsed under this burden.

Thank you all for what you have done for us. It's hard to tell at this point if we are leaving the woods behind or just entering a clearing before plunging back into the dark and vine strewn pathways of the forest. either way it is nice to enjoy a little bit of sunlight for a while. 

10-26 Doctor Visit Update.

They've pretty much decided to watch and see what the cancer does, instead of jumping into chemo. We have an MRI and followup scheduled next month. If the cancer doesn't come back it doesn't sound like they plan to do chemo. Also, Her white blood cells are back in normal range, although she did lose a little bit of weight. Things are going good. That is about the best we could have hoped for.

Nerves

As the first of November draws nearer I find myself looking  forward with trepidation. I'm worried about how she'll handle returning to work. I'm worried about how I'll handle returning to work. I'm worried about the doctors deciding to do chemo and setting us back. Our insurance allotted rehab appointments run out next week and I'm worried about how things will go. She has made leaps and bounds of progress thanks to rehab and soon we'll be on our own.

We have some Doctors appointments next week so unless something negative happens look for another post later next week.

Nothing New

I figure that I ought to post an update just in case anyone is wondering. No news so far. If we haven't heard anything we'll call on Wednesday to find out about the spinal tap. She is doing good. her hair is coming back slowly. She has been reading a lot lately which is a good thing as far as exercising her eyes. 

Best News in Three Months

As Katrina mentioned in her post Her MRI scan came back clean. Not just good, but Completely Clean! The Doctor said the little bit of tumor that was left has melted away. We are thrilled! After three months of bad news and trials we got the best possible news we could hope for at this stage.

So, what remains to be done? She needs to work on getting her energy back up. Her balance continues to improve as well as her speech and cognitive ability. We meet with the Chemo Doctor on Wednesday of next week to see if they still want to do Chemo just as a precaution. For the next couple of years we will have quarterly scans and follow up appointments. Then those will slowly decrease in frequency until she survives the 10 year mark.

She is doing more things around the house and I'm starting to have to keep a pretty close eye on her to make sure she isn't doing too much. We've also been getting out and doing some Geocaching which we haven't done very much since she started school to get her masters. It has been a good way to get her out of the house and walking around a bit.  We also started H with her own geocaching account so that she can start keeping track of her own finds. She has tagged along with us since she was born, and she mostly just likes going to new parks, but I figure she's old enough now to understand what we are doing so she might as well have her own.

This time of night

I hate this time of night. Mostly because of what happens. You see, this is the time when every thing falls away.I feel like an actor who suddenly finds himself alone on an empty stage in a dark and empty theater. The craziness of the production is over and he is very much alone and lost.

All the things that keep me rushing all day are over. The thing that was keeping my mind busy after everyone else is asleep is done and the loudness of the silence in our home seems oppressive in contrast to the madness of the day.

I find myself sitting face to face across the room from my worries and fears.They have waited patiently all day and before I rest they insist on reminding me who they are and what they represent. Tomorrow or the next day or the day after will I suddenly find myself facing the world alone? The truth is I don't remember how. Will our finances continue to work out like they have, or will next month be a mess. Are the kids doing okay. Am I doing the things I should to help them through. Is Katrina doing okay. She struggles with this emotionally a little more each day. Am I doing enough to help her.

They each wait their turn and say "hi I'm worry # 32 and I'm still here."

That's why I hate this time of night. My defenses falter and I find my weakness exposed. Alone in the empty theater before I lay myself down for a handful of hours sleep.

She did really well today. She ate quite a bit, relatively speaking.  Hopefully she can keep it up, but it seems to go in rounds.

Today was kind of crazy.

I suppose I should start with an update. Things went good today. Katrina ate and did well. She has even started trying to do some of the house work. Little things like rinsing dishes and changing diapers. I don't mind her helping more for her sake than mine. She is the type that just has to do things, and as long as she doesn't get to crazy with what she tries to take on it should be good therapy. With the potential for chemo coming up I'm afraid that all this progress maybe short lived. Kind of a tease before it's yanked away again.

I know she's super worried about chemo as well. She tears up any time someone mentions cancer and I think she trys to hide the signs that she has cancer when we are out in public. I tell her that her bald head is a badge of honor and that she has gone through a lot to earn it. I don't know if it makes her feel any better but I really think she should be proud of what she has done and the battles she has fought. She has done great.

It was kind of a crazy day today. This morning I discovered that the sewage clean out plug in our basement had become dislodged. So every time we drained the tub or flushed the toilet part of it was leaking out. I don't know how long it has been like that but I suspect it has been since just before or just after we got home from the hospital. I might not have caught it if I hadn't bathed this morning before I went down stairs. To make a long story short I ran to a couple of different plumbing stores modified some parts to build a plug that would work since the threads were rusted out and then cleaned up the mess. It took the better part of the morning. It also explains why I couldn't get the house to stop stinking. I don't know if anyone else noticed it but I sure did.

This afternoon we took the kiddos to the pediatrician for some minor things that we needed to get them in for but haven't been able to until now.  The doctor wanted a urine sample from our daughter "H" and she adamantly refused to give one so we got to bring stuff home to collect one. We hadn't been home ten minutes before we were running back to the doctors with a fresh urine sample.  Kids sometimes.  

Busy Busy Busy

It seems like we are so busy all the time. Just moving from one thing to the next.

So Her blood count has improved and although it is still bad hopefully we've turned a corner with it. Her appetite is still doing well too so hopefully she starts gaining weight. 

The university called today and set up an appointment for an MRI followed by one with Doctor Schmidt (our nuerosurgeon) next week.

harder to do this

It's getting harder and harder to remember to blog as the days have started to just kind of smudge together. She woke up at 3:30 this morning with some nausea and then promptly threw up after eating breakfast.  After that the rest of the day went pretty smoothly.

Now, I don't know if her appetite is improving or she is forcing herself to eat more, but she has been consuming more. And that is defiantly a good thing. When I laid down in bed the other night I put my hand on what I thought was her bony hip, it turned out to be her thigh. That should give an idea of just how skinny she is getting. Thighs just shouldn't be bony.

Things are going okay. Her balance was a little off today and we had a rough start with nausea, but she did pretty good in that department the rest of the day.

Lots of little meals.

I'm trying to get Katrina to eat lots of little meals as opposed to trying to eat three normal meals and then throwing up. It went pretty good yesterday. I'm also giving here a multi-vitamin which i cut in half and give her in the morning and at night. I'm wondering if some of the complications that we have seen over the last week have been from malnutrition. Hopefully this new plan of attack will conquer it.

On a separate note we don't have anything going today. It's weird not to have some sort of appointment or some other medical related thing to do on a week day.

Tales from the ER

Yesterday after Katrina woke up from her nap she was having a bit of trouble walking on her right leg. If she put any weight on it it just seemed to give out. Additionally her left Eye was dilated really big and didn't seem to be reacting well. After a quick call down to huntsman we were off to the ER. we spent the night there being discharged at 5:30 this morning. They never really figured it out, but her symptoms slowly got better. We discovered that she also had a bit of a fever which is another thing they told me last week I'd need to take her to the ER for that went up and then back down while we were there.

Like I said, we are home now and she seems to be doing pretty good. She even wants to go to rehab today so away we go for another adventure.

Labor Day

She is still doing pretty good. She had a little episode of nausea at my parents barbecue and I think it embarrassed her more than anything. I keep telling her that they all understand, but she is still pretty upset about it.

As for me, I've taken up the game of golf. My mother-in-law is thoroughly convinced that this means I have finally snapped under the stress of all this. She has even gone so far as to recommend several fine sanitariums where she thinks I would fit in nicely. Okay, maybe she didn't "actually" recommend any hospitals for the insane but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want to. I'm not any good at it but it has been really nice to get out and do something just to get away.

Work starts for me tomorrow and I'm a little worried about that. I want to be able to take care of everything here and I don't know that I can be as functional there as I'd like to be. Still, I don't have much choice.

The last day of radiation therapy is tomorrow.

Better

She did loads better today. She ate a bunch for break fast; eggs, hash browns, and bacon. she even ate a few other time through out the day. All told, I think she ate more today than she has over any couple of days last week.

sick part V

Well she lost about 2.5 pounds which brought her down to 93.9lbs. Not as bad as it should have been, given the small amount she has eaten this week. The changed her meds up a little and hopefully that will help her start feeling better. Her white blood cell count is now in the "Critical range." which means a sprint to the emergency room for any fever, as well has extra careful hygiene and limiting visitors.

Sick part IV

things are not going good. I anticipate a big drop in weight tomorrow at weigh in.  She didn't eat hardly anything again today and what she did eat she threw up most of. I'm wondering if she isn't beginning to lose muscle mass. I escort her around by the arm and i noticed today that the muscle felt smaller than it used to. I don't know why she is getting sicker when she should be feeling better. We meet with the doctor tomorrow so hopefully we'll know more then. I'm scared.