Giving Thanks

What am I thankful for this thanksgiving?


As we listen to numbers and statistics about rates of survival and likely hood of relapse I am thankful for the time I have had to keep my wife these last few months. I firmly believe that I would have been a single father by now (or very soon) given the exponential way her symptoms were increasing. I am truly thankful to the lord for each day I get to have her here with me.

I am thankful for modern medicine. I enjoy history and sometimes fantasize about what it would have been like to live in a more simple time. A solitary log cabin by a stream in a wind swept valley with a garden and some livestock stirs a desire inside me that is almost painful when I look at the complicated way the world functions today. The problem with this fantasy is that Katrina would have died of  some unknown disease. She would have continued to waste away until her forth ventricle was completely blocked. Then, hydrocephalus would have killed her long before the cancer spread, and we would have had no idea why she had died.

I am thankful for the charity of others. The truly unexpected outpouring of love, prayers, money, and other things has been and amazing blessing to us. I distinctly remember multiple instances where other people have had medical problems and watching as this same outpouring fell on them and their families. I also distinctly remember grumbling privately about how if it was us we wouldn't be treated the same. It was due to a persons popularity, position, etc. that they received the charity that they did. I stand corrected and completely humbled. I realize now that those thoughts and feelings where a sin (envy? jealousy? pride?) and I regret them deeply.  

I am thankful for family and friends who have done everything they can (and probably more) to help us through this. I really don't know what we would have done if not for all the babysitting, meals, visits, love, prayers, etc. that have been provided to us.

I am thankful that Katrina has recovered as well has she has and I pray that she continues to do so. I really feel like my love for her is the strongest that it has ever been. This trial has been like the fire, hammer and anvil of the forge that tempered our relationship and increased its strength.

I am thankful for this trial. I feels odd to say that and given the choice I'd probably still chose avoid all we have been through and still have to face. The problem with that is the blessings, lessons, and strength we have received far surpass the trials. Our priorities as husband and wife, parents, and human beings have changed drastically in a way that only something like this could have done. 

Most of all I am thankful for a loving farther in heaven whom I know has carried me through this; who has given me strength that I never could have found on my own.